The Post I Hoped I’d Never Have to Write

Psssst… this post *might* contain affiliate links: see my disclosure here.

Adulting is Hard

Today’s post sucks. Capital S-U-C-K-S. And yes… there are lots of other words I could use, but I’m exhausted and sad and that’s all that comes to mind. This one is personal. And I know you come here for the DIY and the design and the makeovers so no hard feelings if you want to peace out until the next post. I’m going to back this sucky tail up a few months to last summer when my husband’s former boss decided he wasn’t ‘pleased’ with the way things were going at his office so the man just closed the firm. 15+ people out of work, just like that. No severance for some, barely any for others… I’ll happily elaborate and say more four-letter phrases about the guy if you want to DM me.

We’ve always planned for situations like this and had savings, etc. but one of the things we didn’t plan for was that Mark would begin to explore positions in a slightly different industry. Those positions are GREAT and he’s excited about them, but… the likelihood that they would allow us to live the same way as before is slim.

family portrait in motion

Shop my favorites!

June 1 has always been our line in the sand, so here we are. June is upon us, and we’ve waited long enough: we’re selling our house. The market in our neck of the woods is typically most active in the late spring into summer so it seemed like this was the right time to see what might happen. Which is where all the suckiness comes into play, because the last thing on the planet I want to be doing right now is selling this house that I’ve dreamed about and loved for the last three years. But sometimes adulting means making hard a$$ decisions.

front porch

Our reasoning is that if we wait too long, it will be the dead of winter when not many people are looking to buy a new house. Summer is a nice time for us to be visiting family and traveling so the logistics of having a house on the market might be easier. And obviously, if some miracle job comes up that makes all the math work safely and reassuringly, then… psych. We’re staying.

family portrait on front porch

But, until then, we need to be smart about it all and it’s sad as hell because this was the house I figured our kids would be coming home to from college. The tree out front is what they climb while they’re waiting for the bus. They’ve found the best hide and seek places. The long driveway is where they learned to rollerblade and ride bikes. My beloved shed… the vegetables I just planted… the patio we fixed up last summer but haven’t yet enjoyed during the warmer months… I could go on for ages.

Enjoying s'mores in the backyard

Even though this was something we’d talked about and planned on, it stings with the reality of open houses and staging and a big ol’ For Sale sign out front. We told the kids last week and they’re being so good about it all… I think they fundamentally understand what’s still a little hard for me to feel which is we’ll be totally fine. Lots of questions about what we’re bringing with us (everything), where we’re moving to (TBD), and whether we can have a swimming pool (maybe). I’d love to find a place with a larger playroom for the kids since our current one is so small, and perhaps a bit less maintenance than a historic home presents.

exterior of house in snow storm

I keep telling myself that we can make any house work. We can make any house work. Say it again… we can make any house work. Most houses don’t have a backyard she-shed… so maybe we’ll have to build one. And then I get sad because I know that most houses won’t have everything that this house has and I love this house. But like I said… it’s a process and we just have to move through it.

foyer before we moved in

I may be a little distracted for the next few weeks as I put one foot in front of the other with all of this. We’ve packed up lots of stuff for ‘staging’ so I’ll try to share some of the tips we’ve learned having gone through this with two homes. No question I’m still in the surreal phase of all this and feel a bit like I’m pretending to be this person who’s trying to sell her house. No matter how much we’d referred to this date… I’m just not ready to say goodbye to this place. And yes… I know it will all be fine and I’m blessed beyond measure, but this all still sucks.

Don’t Miss Out

Become An Insider!

Signup for exclusive tips, and tricks from Charlotte’s House!

Let’s chat!

I love comments from you, so feel free to leave your thoughts and ideas below! And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram for even more!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

104 Comments

  1. charlotte, i am so so sorry. but i do know that home is wherever your family is and you will get through this and find a new home to make wonderful memories in. a house, even a beautiful house, is just a structure, and it’s the people that make it special. wishing you the best in whatever happens!!!

  2. SO SORRY FOR THE PAIN OF YOUR LOSS. HOLD TIGHT TO EACH OTHER AND YOU’LL ALWAYS BE HOME. THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU, YOU, WILL STILL BE THERE: YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABIES, YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR AND YOUR AMAZING, COLORFUL STYLE. ALL THE BEST TO YOU AND YOURS.

  3. Hi CharlotTe,
    I’m so sorry – that does suck! All of it.
    You’ve got the perspectiVe and resolve to get throuh this.
    And you very well may find another special place.
    Xo, christIna

  4. Oh! My heart really does ache for you! I know hard hard decisions ARe! just that…..hard. I left a house I loved Too. I know you will come out on the other side with great memories and a new start though!!! You have made your house a beautiful home and can do it again. Try to remember that your house now is great because of who lives there. You and your beautiful family! You get to take that with you! Wishing you the best, and some peace of mind.?
    I love your feed and blog!

  5. i am so sorry! What a gigantic bummer! Why is the cap lock on?? Its a tough thing to go through but trust the process. Maybe you hadnt reached the end of the rainbow yet! ❤️❤️

  6. BEIng a grown up sucks totally!!! But hey whats a new adventure, and a fresh slat to decorate… you never know what is waiting around the cornEr… it could totally suck or be something you never dReamed you wanted or needed… YOU’VE got this!! -Sarah

  7. Hi chaRlOtte- i don’t know you personally but based on your blog and insta, you and your family have such a great spirit and most iMportanTly a sense of humor. I have No doubt you’ll get through this and come out stronger (wiTh aNeven more gorgeous house) on the other side. I moved A lot as a child and it was such an adventure – your kids will probably love the excItement of a new home to explore. Best wishes!!!

  8. Although The best is yet be, i very much understand your
    sadness! Change is never easy. Best of luck, and dOn’t let the knuckleheads get you dOwn!

  9. So sorry, Charlotte. Though our situations are quite different I can relate to the loss you are feeling and anger at a husband’s boss. we are leaving my beloved south africa early due to a terrible boss- my husband just could not stand to work for this man any longer. So quite suddenly we have to pick up and move. Our lives are nomadic and we normally move every 4 years but this was earlier than expected and I LOVE LOVE LOVE South Africa so I am in mourning about it. It gives me comfort that my children will love the new country (We visited last weekend and they did not want to come back here). I am sure your children will also easily find the positives in your new house. I know there is not too much that can help heal the pain of giving up what has obviously been a labor of love for you. I love your spirit and look forward to seeing where you end up. Maybe Kenya????

    1. I didn’t realize… that must be SO hard especially since you’re leaving the COUNTRY and not just a house. Ugh. I’m sorry, Clara! If you end up in Kenya… PLEASE remind me. We have great friends in Nairobi and I’d love to connect you!

      1. We will be there by September. I am always happy To find friends when we arRive in a new country so i would love an introduction to your friend!

  10. So sorry. I love living vicariously through your reno of the beautiful historic house but being an adult does indeed suck sometimes. Best of luck on the job/house/transition front. your loyal followers would be interested in how you design a Yurt so we’ll all be here when you are ready!

  11. *sigh* What a PUnch in the gut. You have the house we all dream of for our forever home. I’m 51 and still don’t have mine. I live in “good enough for now” and “a house is not a home” but we all know what it feels like to find what tou have found. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Perhaps if you put out feelers on social MEdia, some prospects may APPEAr for your husband? I truly hope the rain has passed and your rainbow is hiding just behind the next cloud and you’re able to stay put.

  12. AWWWW. i’M SO SORRY 🙁 🙁 🙁 WHEN I SOLD MY LAST HOUSE, IT WAS EXACTLY THE RIGHT THING. IT WAS THE RIGHT TIME, IT WAS TIME TO SELL. AND I BAWLED MY EYES OUT REPEATEDLY WHEN IT ACTUALLY CAME TRUE. THE HOUSE I HAVE NOW IS SO MUCH BETTER FOR ME, THE YARD IS GLORIOUS, THE HOUSE HAS MORE POTENTIAL AND I LOVE IT — BUT IT DOESN’T MEAN LEAVING THAT OTHER HOUSE I’D LOVE AND POURED MY HEART INTO FOR 11 YEARS DIDN’T HURT LIKE HELL. HUGS FROM AFAR. PRAYING FOR THE RIGHT JOB, THE RIGHT BUYER, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE NEXT PLACE FOR YOU TO LAND AND LOVE EVEN MORE.

    1. Thanks, Maureen! Yes… you’ve described it perfectly! Every nook and cranny has a feeling attached to it… but one foot in front of the other, and we’ll certainly get through! xx

  13. So sorry charlotte! I am saD with and for you. Will say and extra prayer for you and let me know if you round a Posse to kick the former bosses a$$, im in! ❤️

  14. I am so sorry, charlotte. That just sucks to the n-th degree and his former boss is a motherfracker. (Sorry, I had to.) I do appreciate your honesty in a time when insta is really starting to rub people the wrong way, with all the look at me, newest, bestest shiny, fake versions of ourselves. I know your next home will be ass kicking fantastic because of your talent and you will rock it,hard! Best of luck.

  15. Nooooo! But, but, but, the bus stops right at your front door! You can walk to preschool! I’m sad for you. You need to go to your she-shed and bang on some wood. On the bright side, how fun will it be to look at those empty rooms while new house shopping and dream of what you will create?! Hugs to you during this transition.

    1. Thanks, Wendi! I’m trying hard not to dwell on all the types of things like you mentioned, because I know you’re right… the next place will be just as exciting! xx

  16. Charlotte, You are just a cool human. I’m so sorry You have to sell your hoUse!! I know a home is where your family is, but it’s Ok and real to have a PIty party about it! I would. I love your Blog because it’s relatAble aNd bEcause you dont pretend everything is always good or fun in life. Hang in theRe xoxo

    1. Thank you, Karen! I thought about keeping this one under wraps, but didn’t seem fair to everyone. We’ve all gone through things like this and we have to take the bad with the good in life, right?! xx

  17. Adulting is so hard. It sucks to know in yiur head that selling the house is the right thiNg to do, but your heart ISN’T listening to the logic. So sorry that This happened and that it made you have to Make such a hatd decision. Closing one door to open another. Hugs, orayer and happy thoughts. ❤️

  18. cHARLOTTE, i’M SO SORRY ABOUT THIS BIG CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE (ALSO, THIS IS TYPING IN CAPS ON MY SCREEN AND i DON’T HAVE THE CAPS LOCK ON… i’M NOT SHOUTING). i CAN ONLY IMAGINE YOUR HEAVY HEART TO HAVE TO LEAVE A HOUSE YOU LOVE BUT YOU’RE MAKING SOLID GROWN UP DECISIONS. fINANCIAL STRESS IS CRIPPLING AND MAKING A CHOICE SO YOU CAN FEEL LESS PRESSURE IS A GOOD WAY TO GO. i’LL BE OVER ON INSTA FOLLOWING ALONG.

    kEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. FROM A cANADIAN FOLLOWER

  19. SO sorry to hear Charlottle! I know how you mUst be feeling. as sad as it is.. the only thing that makes a home really is the family in it! You are blessed beyond words with your beauftu family and any home you touch wiLl be As bAutiful! Good Luck on this journey!

  20. I believe that when a door closes, a window opens. Next year you’ll be looking back at this awful time and counting all the blessings that arose from it. But I know it hurts in the meantime and you are entitled to mourn it.

  21. Charlotte, I am so sorry to hear this. I too have come to love this house with all its quirks and nooks and crannies. I know that once you get over the hurt you will see it another way .. the new house will be a new opportunity for you to decorate all that space. Hugs!!

  22. You know That saying, “that which doesnt kill you, makes you stronger”??? I hate that saying. I’m Certain you are plenty steong enough without this. And, yes, you are blessed and, yes, things could be waaay worse but this can be sucky in its own right too. Thinking of YOu. We will all miss This house with you. Xo, michelle.

    Ps no idea why this is all shouty caps!!

    1. Thank you! I had someone say that so far I’ve survived 100% of the challenges thrown my way and it made me smile. And the caps are just the way my theme does it… I tried to add a little warning so people wouldn’t be surprised, but it gets buried. 🙂 haha!

  23. sorry you are having to go through this. we had to sell ours too a couple years ago. my daughter had been in a serious car crash, I had to close my business….and all the mis-fortune led us to living in a smaller home that had no caracteror real charm. But it allowed me to get back on my feet. Our family is all under one roof and healthy and that’s all that really matters. Plus I added my little touches along the way. best of luck with this next chapter.

  24. Gah. This does suck. And I’m sorry about it all. But Your next place will be a blank canvas and can I say how jealous I am of that?! I think the new prospect is kind of exciting! Whatever happens, I’ll be following along and watching the beautiful room transformations you’re known to do! Lots of love and hugs xoxoxo

  25. well this just totally sucks. Sucky, suCk, sucky. But clearly you have a wonderful sense of humor, adorable children and a great HUsband and you will make it thRough this suckiness. i’m A firm believer that no matter how bad things seem, things could be way worse and things will get better. Not sure If I’m supposed to cross My fingers that your home sells or not but I wish you all the best.

  26. Thats such sad news … adUlting is hard …. sending blessings and Prayers to you and yours

  27. Awww… so sorry Charlotte. I hate that for you and your fAmily. You aRe one tougH cookie though and i know your new house will be filled with love and all the fun and craziness yall have in Your house now. I love watching your storIes and they make me smile and sometimEs just laugh out loud! Keep us updated and know you have so much love and support from people you haven’t even met! ???

  28. Oh, Charlotte. SuckS is a great word for this. Shitty is also coming to mind. Adulting can be such an unpleasant job. I agree with everyone that you all will be great…but still, all the feels as you start this next part of the process. Thinking of you!!!! You are strong, Resilient and amazing!!

  29. Oh no! As i started reading i thought “please don’t let it be her house!” I’m so sorry! Not to sound all “Little House on the Prairie” but while it completely stinks, hOme will be wherever your family is. And luckily They have a great mom to make it a fun, bright, and happy place.

  30. Charlotte,
    Only thing i can think to say right now is, i’m sorry! It totally stinks, but timing is everything, isnt it. Fingers crossed that it will go youR way and i’ sending you happy hugs from boston. Xoxo

  31. Iam so Sorry you have to say goodbye to your lovely home. I had to say Goodbye to my wonderful huSband who i lost in february. I have to sell my house that i lOve AlSo, just can’t afford it on my own. Being an adult can reAlly suck. You have Amazing talent and amazing love in your life. You will create more beauty, you can’t help yourself. You have each other, you have your health. TheRe is no price on those tHings. LOsing a job and giving up the home you love are tough things, there is no doubt. I hope you find a beUtiful home to MAKE beautiful again. You are destined to maKe beauty. I am looking forward to seeing what great things you make of this situation. All we have is where we are standing Right now. Keep the fAith, and joy will return. I hope your husband finds the job that makes hIm happy, he so needs that right now. You all have each other and That’s what matters most. Thank you for sharing this moment in your life. You are the real deAl!

    1. Oh Maureen, I’m so sorry for your loss. We are going through a little blip in the radar but you’re so right… we are blessed and so fortunate in every way so this too shall pass. Thank you for your kindness and wisdom. xx

  32. I too had to leave a home i loved my years ago. (Sorry about the caps) i still miss it and cannot drive by it even after many years. A lot changed in my life since then but im okay and have a Great family. Thats all that matters. Really.

  33. I totally get this and am so sad for you-some folks dont’ get ATTACHED to where they live but I am not one and you are not either. But the good news is you are the magic sauce in all this and you will roll up your sleeves and make the next place amazing too. the love between those four walls is all that matters. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a big fat pity party before you put your big girl panties back on-Wish I was closer to rant and rave with you. However, consider the lesson you are giving your kids-that your priorities are keeping them stable and you are not afraid of hard but Unappealing DECISIONS that sometimes have to be made in life. paint that smile on girl and know all will be well somehow, someway. I feel for you.

  34. A house is nothing but bricks and mortar. Your family is the heart and soul. I wish you and your family nothing but good luck on this next step and adventure.

  35. I hate how you are feeling about this! It really does suck to grieve a dream. I am really super excited for You though. When i think of all of the empty walls you will find to fill, all of the new pieces you will create or finD & paint & share, makes me so happy for you! Your Kids too, they will bloom wherever you plant them because they have Awesome parents. Xoxo

  36. Whoa! suck-a-do. Hard to leave where you have put in blood,sweat and tears. Change and moving is easier for the kiddos. easier for the new job holder. Much harder for non-job holder. My family moved 6 times in 16 years, 3 different states, all due to my father’s job changes. It probably made us stronger and more adaptable and certainly ready for adventure and something new. my mother hated one place (2 houses in 2 years). But, she PERSErVEREd! And so will you, creating something new and wonderful.

    1. Thanks, Kate! Doesn’t do us much good to get too ahead of ourselves so trying just to take each day as it comes! The house has never been cleaner, I’ll tell you that much! 🙂 Miss you ladies and hope things are well with you both! xoxo

  37. I am really sorry that you are having to sell your beloved home. It really stinks but I hope that you will be able to find a new home that you will grow to love just as much.

    I also want you to know that I’ve been listening to your podcast for months and love it. You and Erin do a great job and I’m always happy when I see a new one available for me to listen to.

    Hang in There!

    Paula

    1. Thank you for this Paula! Totally stinks but hoping to make lemonade out if it all eventually. :/ And thanks for listening to the podcast! We’re having a blast so it’s nice to hear people are enjoying it! xx

  38. reread this post today as my husband lost his job in July. It’s tough to stay positive with so much uncertainty. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 14 years and im going back to work on monday. I apprecIate your honesty and love Your instAstories.

  39. We have had similar yet dIffErent suMmers. After 28 yrs on the job i was terminated. For no good reason. So i can relate to adulting and what you are going thru. My sister, age 66, was placed in a nursing home this summer, my mom is in one, and my father in law has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I worked in healthcare since aGe 26, so 30 yrs. there are blessings and curses in life’s exper and i am lear to embrace this change god has given me. God bless you & your family!

    1. Learning….clearly i cant type. My sister has lewy body dementia so i am thankful to be out of a job that was stressing me. Out. Arghh….i hope your husband An get to that point. It is noT worth it, working for bad people!

      1. That’s very true! Thankfully my husband didn’t deal with his boss on the day to day but after the way all of this was handled, you’re totally right. He’s glad to be done with them.

  40. I know this post is old, but i just read it and couldnt not respond. I hope that by now your life and family are settled someplace perfect for ya’ll
    For reasons out of our control, we had To do the same thing almost 8 years ago. We had built our dream home that had everything we had ever wanted. We worked hard to make it happen after being hit by hurricane katrina. I still carry so much sadness and yes, bitterness as well.
    We totally had to relocate to a state id never even been to and its been one of the hardest things ive ever had to deal with. The sad thing is that we had to seriously downsize, but the silver lining is that both of my grown kids Came here as well and i now have two amazing grandsons. Sometimes id give anythIng to go back home but i try to focus on the positive.
    I hope youve found peace with your new home and are doing weLl

  41. Hi chaRLotte… SCROLLING aimlessly thru ig and somehow i landed On the pIc of your Beautiful old home. Had to read More… i too lived in a lOvely historic home for 37 years!!! We got married there even… and raised our 4 kids, blood sweat and tears… every improvement uncoVered more projects to be tackled. So i naturally Just got Intrigued with your journey. Our situation was a bit different as we had acquired my husband’s family farm in 2004 about the same time my third son at age 18 developed schizophrenia. We struggled with owning And maintaining two properties, both homes built mid 1800’s so hahaha both money pits! All while maintaining jobs, elderly parents, Other children and just life. So in 2015 we sold the big beautiful greek revival ((the house everyone in our town knew)). My adult kids struggled with our choice, it is still a sore/sad subjEct ? and because I was the one doing all the work by myself due to husbands job it was a lonely and crushing time for me but i had to do it, the two houses were killing us and the neghbors would never have allowed us to air bnb the home or be creative with itin any waY. It sold quickly and i was relieved to be ouT from under the constant pressure of it, especially with life circumstances, realities of what hand is dealt you! In the 5 years since we sold other folks we knew also sold their family homes and It is hard for adult kids. Younger children are more resilient and as much as im sure you are still grieving the loss of that charming and stunning home i have to say your kids are fortunate to have parents that are realistic! I applaud you for thaT. But i also completely identify with you as a fellow old home curator! The new owners dont really get it, they have their pool furniture from their old development home all over the gorgeous front porch and it is just hard to drive by. I hate to sound like a snob and im careful to not Dis them locally as it is a small town and its their home now. Lol
    But living in a place that is just so architecturally gOrgeous just doesn’t happen for most people. Lots of time i didnt appreciate it and it was a ton of work always! But it did become my identity and tbh although i love the farm for what is is, a place to be calm and just chill and take the renovation more slowly as frankly we were a bit pooped! I now look forward to reading/supporting your content as someone who does understand/empathize with Your “adulting is damn hard”.
    And yes i know these are just homes and i always say people before thIngs ? but there is life, memories, comfort, love, learning, grIef, laughter And joy in tjese places that give us shelter… sorry this is so long but gosh i feel that you are a kindred spirit and i just wanted to give you credit! ?

    1. Hi Meg! I read this from my phone right when you left it an was slow to get onto the laptop to approve/ post. THANK YOU! It’s been a wonderful helpful exercise in what is truly important, what we can make sense of and how we can choose to be positive or not about all this. It’s also been a great lesson in risk taking, etc. etc. We’re so fortunate in that the people who bought our home are wonderful and have bene able to bring her into spit spot shape faster than we could of so once the initial grief wore off, it’s all good. Again, thank you!! xx