How to Handle Negative Comments Online
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Trolls and Negativity Online
Dealing with negativity online can be a challenge for any content creator; see how I handle it and ways that my friends do too! I was tagged on Instagram the other day with a question and when I clicked over to answer, I realized it was on sponsored post from my Valspar video shoot so I hadn’t seen it in my feed. When I started scrolling through the other comments, what I saw was a groundswell of negativity and insults. Name calling and slinging cruelty towards someone who’s simply standing up and talking about a paint color… aren’t there bigger problems in our world than the orange paint I was asked to use?
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After my weekend at Workbenchcon, I had lots of discussions with other makers about similar trolls and comments that they get on their content on a daily basis. So to be clear… makers who have spent hours upon hours creating and sharing content with the world (FOR FREE) and people feel a need to locate and watch this content and then… insult it.
I don’t have any real explanation for WHY there are so many people who feel compelled to speak up with animosity or insult, but I do have a few theories.
Is this projection? Projection is when a person feels bad about themselves in some way and, as a defense mechanism, they attribute these characteristics to someone else. I.e. if someone feels incapable or ignored or untalented, do they lash out at individuals who are on camera, sharing talents and skills and lash out at them?
Is it boredom? Is this sniping for sport?
Have we created such an extreme removed and online culture that people forget they are interacting with a human being?
There’s another layer to these offenses. For MANY of the female content creators in the making world, they get comments oozing with misogyny and perversion. Comments they should “stay in the kitchen” or have a “bikini contest” with other female makers.
I doubt we’ll ever understand the reason behind these anonymous online insults, but I’ve spent some time thinking about how to best handle these situations.
First, I should mention that personally, I’m VERY fortunate and I don’t get much negativity on my feed or my channel. I get the occasional comment on my YouTube videos telling me I’m doing something wrong, but I can handle constructive criticism. The question I always have is… how to best manage these folks both for optics AND for my own self-preservation. In the case of the Valspar post, I opted not to engage whatsoever because these comments essentially live on PureWow’s post and professionally I didn’t feel like it was my place to step in.
More importantly, I’ve realized that thankfully I’m old enough and confident enough to know that those commenters are also… just wrong. How THEY choose to behave online with PUBLIC commentary does not have anything to do with me. Does @whitehousekat’s comment that my shirt should be ironed have any relevance to my fun experience filming or the finished video product? Nope. Also, guess what happens after 8 hours of work… things get wrinkled.
This is not about me. This is about them.
Harder to keep in mind when they start getting snarky about my kids, or my style or my blog, but if their idea of humor is to make a joke about medication or my clothing then again I say… it’s not about me, it’s about them.
Not for nothing… denim on denim is my favorite and I can’t stop won’t stop.
Does @a_donutaday’s comment that if you turn off the sound and watch “as she bobs up and down and flails her hands while keeping her arms pressed to her side” have any real value? Also nope. I’d argue that Mr. or Ms. Donutaday would be even more traumatized to turn off sound and watch the rest of my content… sorry, pal. I have no chill.
How about this helpful comment that I’m “annoying” by @bex_holland and her husband @dennyholland based on a 30 second IG ad. I mean, if @dennyholland meets me, he still may feel I’m annoying, but there is ZERO chance that anyone can have an accurate handle on anyone after 30 seconds.
Repeat after me: It’s not about me. It’s about them.
Just to close the loop, that mantra covers the self preservation, but what can one do just from a logistical point of view. Well… you can delete comments. And most of my friends DO delete the ones that are crass or vulgar or simply inappropriate. Unless there’s a typo… then it can hilariously stay. Update: Apparently “cuck” is NOT a typo, but joke’s on Romulus because I’m old and totally *thought* it was a misspelling.
My friend Mike from Modustrial Maker has a great way of engaging with his negative comments and 9 times out of 10, the commenter warms up and things end nicely.
Sometimes, leaving the occasional troll comment in place brings out a wonderful community of support and can actually help to bring your audience together! This comment was left on my friend Tamar 3×3 custom‘s feed.
Creepers are a slightly different breed of online nuisance, but I enjoy engaging with them every so often.
And finally, I’m often VERY tempted just to insert a comment and say something like, “I’m a real person… just here reading your comment. Thanks!” But then I don’t. And I repeat to myself:
It’s not about me. It’s about them.
i am so amazeD what people say! I Firmly believe that if you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all. Unfortunately, its not just online that people are hateful anymore. Maybe if you block the hatErs & other bloggers block them, they will get the message. SOmetimes they just need to be called out.
I’m always kind of stunned too. I am a firm believer that there is always a calm and mature way to communicate so name calling is never necessary.
Keep on repEating your mantra. Its definitely them, not you! If ppl find the need to post negative comments, not Including constructive criticism, then they are projecting somethiNg going on in their lives. MoreoVer, anyone thaT finds the need to Comment Negatively about a child has bigger problems in life. Keep on blogging, charlotte! You’re kicking ?
It’s amazing, right? There’s an impulsivity to it all thats astounding… not a lot of thinking before action.
Great post!! I think you handle all of this very well!! And i esPecially like how you have included screenshots Along with their account names!?? Thanks so much for showing how to handle negaTivity with taste!!
I only include account names when the people are publicly commenting… if they are comfortable saying these things in a public forum, then they should be OK being called out in a public forum!
You are so right. It astounds me how people hide behind their screen to insult someone they don’t know. I preach to my students and girls, if you can’t SAY that sharp comment TO SOMEONE in person you shouldn’t say it at all. Why don’t people think about building people up? So much distain for others just sucks the joy from all these good things we have.
In response to your ‘Canadian Tuxedo’, it’s awesome but I’m also biased since I am a Canadian and wear that weekly. Call it cliche but it looks so sharp…Hense the tuxedo. I knew it was a bit of a joke but I actually didn’t think that term was used as an insult. Wear it loud and proud, we support you in Canada.
Haha! I’m not sure the comment was intended to be positive, but it’s my go-to ensemble! 🙂 Thank you, Canada!! xx
Haha! I’m not sure the comment was intended to be positive, but it’s my go-to ensemble! 🙂 Thank you, Canada!! xx
I think it has a good deal to do with the ANONYMOUS nature. NOt one of those trolls would say any of these comments to your face. THe KEYBOARD and the screen name help people feel empowered. truly sad state of our society. why comment at all if you don’t like SOMETHING? I agree that if its constructive criticism, that could be helpful if worded nicely but just being mean for means sake? not good.
Exactly! I actually have no problem when people don’t like what I do and express that in a mature way. I also don’t mind if someone disagrees with something I’ve said and says as much. But name calling, etc… I think we can do better! 🙂
Hmm- i kind of want to knock them out. Especially family comments- my irish temper comes out. But, you handle it perfectly. It’s strange how mean peopLe can be behind a computer/phone screen. People need to Take a moment to reflect before posting mean comments. Keep ignoring and stay positive. You and your family are beautiful.??
Yah… I had a similar reaction. Hitting below the belt BIG time.
I love that you didnt bLack out the nAmes of the trolLs. You are so right, it Is aBout them & not you. Love your page, love your style!!! I wish i could pull off the canadian tuxedo like you did!
Nope. They felt more than comfortable leaving these comments on a public account so it seems totally fair game to call them out on a public account. 🙂
just throwing this out to the universe because I already know that you know the answer to this… but it Requires being here in black-and-white for the rest of us to see it and to help make sense of why this happens:
HoW sad does someone’s life have to be…for them to take the tIme to comment on another human’s post?? clearly they feel so entitled they have to comment and remark on every little thing that they don’t like. Its insane. And good for you for Addressing it head on and Taking it with a grain of salt. Keep up the amazing work!! Chin up buttercup! (& i have no idea why thIs is stuck in all caps ?)
Thank you! That’s what I always come back to… aren’t there other problems in this world bigger than the paint color on this wall? 🙂 (And my theme keeps comments in all caps… sorry!)
Well done, Charlotte! We love all your colours, works and your denim of course too!
Thank you! And who doesn’t like DENIM ON DENIM??? Animals. That’s who. 🙂
I think all of those Screenshots you posted are totally fair to call trolling or sniping for sport. However, it is challenging as a reader/consumer of blogs and instagram accounts to figure out a way to give constructive criticIsm. Influencers so often now do make this their job, but because of the highly personal nature there is no easy way to say “hey, i like what you do. But there are some parts of what you do that make me want to stop enjoying your content”. If influencers want my time, following, and sWipe ups i wish theRe would also be a way to give some feedback. I am in sales and my customers by from me, from my personal brand, i ask for Feedback, my boss asks for feedback. I am giVen real criticism about my performance. I have yet to see an influencer open to critCism, but some many make their living from their work. The system seems still new and as if it needs some work.
(I’m sorry if this is in all caps. I cAn’t figure out how to change it!)
One last thought— recently a blogger/Influncer i follow went in to deep detail on her instagram stories about her food poisOning. I ended up unfollowing her because thaT’s just not why i’m Looking at her stories. Is there a way to say “hey, i’ve really enjoyed what you’ve done in the past, but this is just too far, too personal, too Much for me.” without being called spiteful or mean or being told “if you dont have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”. Because that is a refrain i have heard over and over again on instagram.
Would love to hear your thoughts!
Meredith
Yep. I know exactly what you mean. I think that’s TOTALLY valid… I guess there are two schools of thought. You could either come back in a week and recognize that those stories weren’t the best but are just a small part of what this person has shared or perhaps mention in a comment something like “oh boy… I have a weak stomach… this was too much for me! Haha!”
Yes! I actually thing constructive criticism is TOTALLY fair game and I often balk a bit at the idea that ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.’ “Hate it” doesn’t work for me, but “I actually don’t love those colors together” is a totally valid critique. And the all-caps is just the way the theme of my site does it… sorry!
You go Charlette! Out them all and let’s see how they feel now that they actually have the spotlight on them and their stupid comments! These people all need to get a life, or at the very least pick up a tool and get to work!!
haha! Ya know… they felt comfortable leaving a public comment so I say fair game! 😉
I’m new to your blog but i love it, specifically for your creativity with color which is Sparse on other blogs i folloW! i am always Taken aback by mean and rude behavior but at the end of the day You just have To feel grateful that You’re not one of them. I do feel sorry for tRolls because negativity is a self inflicted poison. It Not only affects the mind but a person’s health. You can watch videos of animal rescue or anything positive and wonderful and there will still be some negative comments. Again, like you said, it says nothing about you but everything about them. Thank you for sharing your content and for all of your lovely inspiration in my own world. You are a true joy 🙂
Hi Alison! THanks so much for your sweet comment! I totally agree… some people sadly see the world from a place of negativity and seem to want to spread that mood… not on my watch! 🙂